I have been wanting to post this series for awhile now, I mean. I’m sure I could write a book on the top, but we will stick with the 5 Rules to Dating my Ex-Husband. We have been “separated” 8 months now. 8 months.. may not seem like a long time, but let me inform you, it’s been a roller-coaster of a 8 months. These last 4 months can’t go by fast enough. In the state of VA, you have to be separated (living apart) for 12 months before you can file for divorce. Well during that time, you’re also not suppose to date other people, but who am I to judge. But since I was with the guy or 9 years together, almost 8 of those years actually married to him. For how much I’m suppose to not like him or whatnot. I hope he at least keeps these in mind, when he finds his replacement or whatever. Here are my 5 Rules to Dating my Ex-Husband, not necessary something to follow, but something to just remember.
1) I don’t want him back, I PROMISE!
Trust me, when I tell you this. You know the whole, ‘fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me’ I took him back once before to “work things out”, well we tried and it didn’t work out. Therefore, I’m done with second chances. I have moved on, I want someone who wants to be with me. I want.. I deserve the respect I put into a relationship. Therefore, he’s your problem now.
2. I’m going to always be in his life, deal with it.
If you’re unaware of how this works is.. once you have kids with someone, you’re forever in their lives. Because you share something in common, which are the kids for the record. Now, I know because things are a tad different there was other things we agreed two. We’re gonna text, email & even talk face to face. Get it? I’m gonna be around.
3. No need to compete with me, they already have a mom.
Yup, their mom happens to love them more than life itself. No need for you to spoil one child more than the other. For that matter, there’s four kids in total, if you plan on spoiling one, you spoil them all. We’re not picking favorites here. There’s no reason you need to buy my kid’s love. That’s pretty shady of you to do, it’s not cute. I suggest you stop now before they catch on. There’s only so many Hello Kitty & Minnie Mouses items before, they will just move on. Want a child to like you? show them. But then again, don’t expect them to call you mom either, they have one, they have no reason for another.
4. Don’t be younger, prettier, skinnier than me.
If you are, that’s fine. But don’t flaunt it, don’t brag, don’t rub it in my face. I mean, it’s kinda hard to upgrade from someone this awesome (heck yea! I’m confident in myself! lol). Divorces are traumatic enough, I don’t need to deal with your bullshit on top of everything else.
5. These aren’t threats, just friendly advice!
If you have read this far along, maybe you learned something, maybe you didn’t. You know, I could care less either way. I am here to just give you some simple advice. After all, if you decide to keep him, then he’s your problem now.
– When you divorce a spouse, you divorced THE SPO– USE. Not the kids. So the kids are STILL apart of the PARENT(S) lives. Meaning they will be present. If you can’t handle that, maybe you shouldn’t become involved with someone who has children, from previous relationships.
– I do NOT want him/her back. REREAD THAT! If I wanted them, I wouldn’t have gone through the year-long process of DIVORCING them. I also would’ve saved myself the lawyer costs. We got divorced because WE WERE NOT WORKING TOGETHER. We NEEDED to split-up. I don’t find, that I like making mistakes repeatedly.
– I’m not jealous of your relationship with him. I tried to have one with him. I tried. It didn’t work. So why would I be envious that you “have” him. I had him too, I’m okay with the fact he moved on. I will too, in one way or another.
– This is not a competition. We are not constants of ” BLANK’S NEXT TOP WIFE”. So if you think I put on lip-liner because of him, you’re wrong. I spoil MYSELF, for MY benefit, alone. Sometimes, you just wanna wear the damn lipliner, okay? It doesn’t mean I’m going to suck his d**k. It just means, I know who deserves to be spoiled, okay?
Too many women see being with someone’s EX-spouse, as a competition. It isn’t. You are NOT trying to win them back. You’re trying to co-parent and present a good front to the kids. That’s it and that’s all. If they think anything more, that says more about them AND their relationship VS you. Plain and simple.
Doesn’t it feel good to just let it out. Oh my gosh, I cannot imagine the crap you are having to go through. I cannot wait until you can actually move and be away from him.
Thanks, in order to move on, I need to get it out. So this series will help me 🙂
I am sorry you are going through this. It must be incredibly difficult. (((Hugs))) momma!
Amen, Momma! This is some powerful advice. I love your candor & your “keeping it real” attitude. Wishing you and yours the best.
So very true! My ex’s first girlfriend was a nightmare to my children, especially my daughter. I can’t tell how many times she called me crying over that freaking woman. I couldn’t imagine why he didn’t dump her, and I frequently told him this. Who lets somebody treat your kids like crap? She even came into my house without my permission when she was with him, when he dropped my kids off. WTH? I literally just found her in my bathroom. Thankfully that ended, and he found a woman with 3 kids who, as a step mom, is cool just being a friend to my kids.
Even though I’m not divorced i love this! And honestly I think most of these are pretty true for divorced couples!
This is a great post. I enjoyed reading it. I would print this out for any potential girlfriends in the future. It will make things pretty clear from the beginning.
Loved reading this! You have a great attitude. Good for you for stating up front you don’t want him back. No need for any new woman to feel threatened 🙂
I’m so excited to see what this series brings! I also split up 8 months ago and have been dying to write about it, but I just don’t have enough jam.. and there isn’t much I won’t write about LOL Maybe you’ll inspire me 🙂 these are hilarious btw!
You’re more than welcome to join in.. we can cross post! haha Once my divorce is done & over, there will be more posts! lol
I love this! Great points and great approach ☺