I met what I thought would be the answer to all my problems. But what I didn’t know at the time is people can’t fix problems, only you can fix your own problems. One year after my divorce by far was the hardest and I survived thus far.
I thought I had everything planned out for when I was separated, I was pretty naive. Then I thought once I moved to North Carolina, everything would fall into place without flaw or problems. I would have my own place, I would have a full-time job, school & parent. Yeah, boy was that wrong, who was I kidding honestly. I was completely lost and alone. There were people around me, but I was alone.
I was in this horrible child custody battle – I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. No one should have to fight to keep their kids in their life. Bottom line is it sucks and life is unfair sometimes, you make the best of it. I walked away from this divorce with nothing, no money to my name, no car, no where to live, all my stuff in storage and worst of all, I don’t have custody of my kids.
15 Things I Learned One Year After My Divorce
You are single now, but not forever. I reckon after any major breakup or divorce, you feel like you’re gonna be forever alone. You need time to heal, time to find happiness, time to just be with yourself. Enjoy being single.
You are not alone. Let me repeat that, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There are people who can relate, but more importantly, Jesus is with you, he’s always with you.
You lose some, you gain some. Friends, I lost quite a lot and gained more. Friends I knew throw him from the army or whatnot. Of course they all sided with him, but if they can’t be friends with both of us, it’s not a friendship worth having. I want people in my life that are positive, not negative.
I’m not a failure. Some relationships are just not meant to last and you should NEVER stay together for the kids.
Forget what you lost & think about what you gained. I can’t dwell on the ‘what ifs’ or what I could of done differently. There’s been so much I’ve learned about myself within the last year. You find happiness again and it’s amazing.
You will miss parts of your kid’s lives. Whether you’re the primary custody parent or not. You will make the most of each time you do get to spend with them.
Your bed might seem empty at first … but later on, you’ll revel in the fact that the whole thing is yours. The whole thing.
You get the whole bed to yourself. It may seem empty at first but after time it will be all yours. There’s no sides, you can hog all the blankets and pillows.
Weight gains & weigh loss. Yep, stress not eating was the easiest weight loss plan I had. Was it healthy? hell no, but I just didn’t eat. I’m better about it now – still trying to get to a heavy weight.
Missing him will go away. Not really missing him, but the thought of being with someone for so long, then they just leave. Anyone with a heart, it’s not easy. Depends on how toxic or abusive it was, the harder it is. Roughly mid last year I was officially over him.
There will be good and bad days. You can go on an amazing winning strike of good days, then out of no where. You will have a bad week. Don’t let the bad days/weeks get you down. You can get through them. I promise, I did.
The more support the better. Whether it’s friends, family, counselor.. never try to attempt life alone. It helps when you have a support group around you.
It’s a new chapter of life, make the most of it. Don’t let anything hold you back. Try out the newest coffee shop, try new hobbies and activities. Do things you never thought you would before. Leave your comfort zone.
You still have to deal with your ex. Whether it’s a good or bad thing, lol. If you have kids together, you have to deal with each other. If anything, that’s the hardest part. Sometimes it takes time, I pray about it often that it all works out.
My kids are the best outcome of our marriage. They are the love of my life, I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
One year after my divorce was hard, but I made it though it. It’s almost another year. I am going to make 2017 my year and it’s going to be amazing. 2016 was a year of lessons and learning experiences.
“The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”- Doctor Who
(15 Things I Learned One Year After My Divorce) Divorce is a hard thing to go through for sure. I have a friend going through one right now, it has not been easy for her either.
My mom went through a nasty divorce when I was 5….I bet she can relate to this post.
Such an insightful post! Thanks for sharing.
I went through a divorce many years ago, one of the hardest things ever. I thought I would be married to the same person my whole life, it didn’t work out that way. I was depressed, had nothing but I made it by the grace of God. It gets easier!!
After my divorce I swore I would never get married again but 2 years later I was married to my best friend and we have been for 10+ years!
I know divorce is hard, I went thru one. I learned a lot too
You are such a strong person! Wishing you the best!
I guess I was truly blessed to be celebrating 30 year with my husband. I always knew he was one in a million!
It isn’t an easy situation, so I appreciate the tips and pointers on resolving a rocky time. Thanks for sharing the information.