They say you learn a lot through pain and heartbreaks. This can’t be more true! I wanted to make this post last year, but just didn’t feel like it was the right time. So here’s 10 lessons I’ve learned about pain and heartbreak. I don’t want to say that I’m the master of pain, struggles and heartbreaks, but I could definitely write a book about it. Pain & struggles come in all different sizes, in waves, sometimes you’re up and sometimes you’re down. What the last 5 years have taught me was.. You can learn from your pains, struggles, heartbreaks and mistakes. It’s up to you how you handle those. I may not of handle them all currently the first time or second time. Lets face it, I didn’t handle it right most of the time. But in that, I have learned some great things along the way. It’s never easy. But an amazing friend once said, “God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers.” She couldn’t be more right. The lessons we learn from pain, will always make us stronger.
10 Lessons I’ve Learned About Pain And Heartbreak
1) You are not alone. Sounds cheesy and simple right? Yea, but when you have all this pain and heartache out of no where. You feel alone, you are broken, everything you thought you had is gone. When I was going through those horrible things, I thought I was alone, no one loved me. Boy was I wrong, you are not alone. You are loved more than you know.
2) You need a support system. You need surround yourself with friends and family that WANT to support you, that WANT to show you that they LOVE you. That they are going to BE THERE through everything, the good times, the bad times. That’s the #1 thing you need. Without a good support system, you will spiral back int your wrong ways.
3) It’s okay to not be okay. Seriously, you are going through some serious pain, everyone handles pain and heartbreak different, how you handle yours, isn’t wrong. You are allowed to be sad, you are allowed to be angry. You are allowed to grieve, don’t hold it back.
4) Find a hobby or interests. Why you may ask. Because listen, you can’t lay around forever feeling sorry for yourself, you have to keep yourself busy. If you’re busy, you will not let that pain take over your life. I started blogging, blogging was my one thing I was good at, besides making graphics. I could blog about what was on my mind and my feelings all out. I felt better after that. You will have this hole, you need to fill that hole with positive things and not negative things. Exercising is a good stress reliever, put all your angry and sadness into working out. I lost 50lbs that way! Stay positive, because if you spiral, it’s hard to get out of that. TRUST ME!
5) Don’t let your pain define you. Don’t let your struggles, pains and heartbreak take over your life. Yes, what happened to you sucks and you did all you could. But you need to move on and do you!
6) Focus on Yourself. This is your time to focus on yourself. Get your hair did and nails done. Take a trip, find new things that make you happy. Finding happiness in things, is something I wish I learned sooner than I did. But I am glad, I did finally.
7) It will take time. There’s no set time on how long you’re suppose to take to yourself to heal. Some people heal quicker than others. So people show more emotions than others. Some people know what you’re going through, some will not know, but pretend they know.
8) Don’t rush dating again. If heartbreak is what you’re recovering from, dating again or just randomly seeing people to fill that hole someone else left you, isn’t the best idea. The right person will come when you’re really ready. Think of it this way, be the person you want to find. Work on you, before you go looking for someone else. Love yourself, before you can give your love to someone new.
9) Forgiveness. Crazy right? 4 years of a up and down relationship roller-coaster of the good the bad and the abusive. But being angry at someone isn’t going to fix anything. As soon as you’re able to truly FORGIVE that person, the easier it is to move on from them. Forgiveness is key. When I was able to forgive him, he no longer had power over me. I was free, forgiveness comes in freedom.
10) God is Good. Without God we are lost, simple as that. I was lost, but now I am found. When I was first hurt, I thought I was alone, but God was always there, I pushed him away. I thought before I had a failed marriage, but I had everything going wrong, God wouldn’t love me again. I was wrong, I am glad I finally broke down and asked God to help me, because we can’t do it alone. We need God and our friends/family with us to get through this.
So there’s 10 lessons I’ve learned about pain and heartbreak. I hope this gave you some closure of some sorts. I feel in sharing these things, it’s a healing process for sure, but I am glad I am able to help. I am not 100% healed, like I said it takes time, but I am a better person than I was when this started. I really have grown. I honestly didn’t think I would be here today, I am surprised I am alive and typing this to you. I am blessed to live the life I have. I am blessed to have the friends and family who have always been there one way or another. The people who came in my life and left, they were all lessons I needed to learn. They were all tools of God to teach me things. I haven’t gone through the last few years for nothing.
Terri Ramsey Beavers says
When my marriage split up, I actually relied on some of these as well. I turned to God and got involved in some new hobbies.
Because... I'm cheap says
Great tips. Love #10 😉 He is ever present, even in those moments we feel completely alone.
michelle says
don’t rush dating again is so important. i know too many people who have rushed into dating after a break up or divorce and i don’t think it is healthy at all. i like to take some time to heal
Eileen xo says
I can only imagine how difficult a time it is going through things. I love its ookay not to be o0kay.
sunshaine66 says
I would support any of the kids
Elizabeth O. says
These are definitely true. It’s important to find yourself first after a break-up and make sure that you make yourself happy as well.
Eileen Mendoza Loya says
After a bad relationship, I have learned how strong I am. Sure, there was a lot of crying, and I mean, a lot. However, I wanted to show the other party that I am not the person he thinks I am. With God’s Grace, I pulled through.
Ana De-Jesus says
I have learnt that it is important to not let pain define you either as if you focus too much on pain it makes you feel worse in the long run.
Angela Milnes says
Good points. I’ve been heartbroken in the past with two divorces and it was hard going but I overcame it and became a better and stronger person. Angela
R U S S says
In this list, #5 and #9 are the most difficult. It’s easy to move on, but to forget about your pains that’s a different story. You gotta give yourself just enough time to sulk but make sure that in the process you don’t lose yourself. For #9, it’s the same, you need to give yourself time to sulk and eventually you’ll pick up the pieces and time will come that it no longer hurts. I think that’s when forgiveness comes.
Ria Rosaura Romero says
pain and heartbreak sometimes need to be undergone so on the next time you fall in love, you know exactly how you will love more,
Fashionable Librarian says
You are definitely not alone…LOL
angie says
the pain that our hears go through in life some make us strong and some leave us scarred forever. I think we have all felt this pain and if I could I would offer you (((HUGS)))
Shann Eva says
You’ve learned some really great lessons. I especially think not rushing into another relationship is important.
JessicaACassidy (@wifetoalineman) says
We learned with our mistake and make us stronger,
Marielle Altenor says
The few time too many that I suffered from heartbreak I find that completely removing the person from my life is the way to go. Sucks but for me out of sight and out of mind works in this situations!
Rosey Marie says
Freedom does come from forgiveness. It’s not so hard to do now that I’m older, but the hurt still comes just as easy. I guess we just learn to deal with things better as we age a bit. 🙂
Janet W. says
What I’ve learned about pain is that it really just takes time to get over and be able to move on.
martsvalenzuela says
I can identify with this, especially with “don’t rush dating again”. Somehow along your journey towards moving on you’ll find this urge to find someone to fill the void. Don’t ever fall into the trap. You’ll only hurt yourself more.
Jojo Vito says
heartbreak is never easy, and yes I agree a good support system is really needed and could help a lot 🙂
SaraAB87 says
This is a very true post, a good support system is a must.
Jan Lee says
I’ve learned not to have online relationships as they are never the same when you meet. There’s always something that changes so to avoid pain and drama, don’t have them at all. Friendship is the better way to go.
Audrey Okaneko says
Support systems are the best!!!! Not every friend is a friend for the same reason. I’m fortunate to know many people and I try to find support where I’m certain I’ll get it for any particular purpose.
kleebanks says
Excellent post! Sorry you have experienced pain and heartbreak, but it’s wonderful to share so others can learn and be comforted.
maureen says
Support system is very key.
I have been thru this. It always hurts most when it is fresh and you see others happy.
Molli Vandehey says
i am learning all of these except i think people feel i rusheddating, but i realized my best friend was the right guy
Jerry Marquardt says
I appreciate the lesson in dealing with pain. I thank you for this great share.