A panic attack is a sudden surge of overwhelming anxiety and fear. Your heart pounds and you can’t breathe. You may even feel like you’re dying or going crazy. Left untreated, panic attacks can lead to panic disorder and other problems. The signs and symptoms of a panic attack develop abruptly and usually reach their peak within 10 minutes. Most panic attacks end within 20 to 30 minutes, and they rarely last more than an hour.

A full-blown panic attack includes a combination of the following signs and symptoms:

• Shortness of breath or hyperventilation
• Heart palpitations or a racing heart
• Chest pain or discomfort
• Trembling or shaking
• Choking feeling
• Feeling unreal or detached from your surroundings
• Sweating
• Nausea or upset stomach
• Feeling dizzy, light-headed, or faint
• Numbness or tingling sensations
• Hot or cold flashes
• Fear of dying, losing control, or going crazy

Well I guess it’s apparent that I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress lately.. between normal stress that comes from a divorce-separation. Then I have stress from a certain other party on top of the rest. Let’s just say, I’ll be happy as hell when it’s all over. So over this drama and the people involve. I have a certain stalker who stalks my blog and my social sites. But I love the traffic, so she isn’t block yet. Yeah I know you do it. Thanks! Anyways, I never fully recovered of the first separation-divorce. I should of just stuck with it the first time, could of saved me a lot of time & heartache. Yeah well, on Friday night, I was fine, I was on here attempting to post blogs and whatnot, but I ended up on YouNow, which is now my current addiction. Hint, to why I haven’t had anything posted. Sorry.. I was on there chatting with a few friends here and there, I got off and went to bed around 3-4am Saturday morning, I had a migraine behind my eye, but I always have those, so I didn’t think anything of it really.. Then all hell broke loose, I had the 2nd panic attack of my life ever. First one was before I was pregnant with Hannah, also lots of stress that time. But this was way worst, like I legit thought I was dying. DYING. I couldn’t breathe, my heart was racing, the works. Now, I should of called John at work at that point, I didn’t because he was working, I knew he wouldn’t be able to get off. So I just tried to make it through the night. Which reminds me, I hate the fact I have no friends around here, I could of called someone to come watch the kids so I could of gone to the hospital THEN not like 12+ hours later, but whatever.. I finally gave up on sleep or woke up, I’m not sure around 7-8am.. I’m basically out of it. I told Jr & Hailey, I needed their help with the younger kids, this was insane people. If you have never had a panic attack before, it’s the worst feeling ever. Like legit, I would of rather been in labor pains without meds than have a panic attack. So somehow I was able to clam my heart the heck down, it was racing when I woke up, chills, sweating, omg. dude. INSANE.

So I had to get to the store to get food. So I’m not sure how I manage to even do that, I was sweatin’ like a mad fool, but I manage to get it done, when I got out, I was legit, white as my shirt in the picture above. I was like, I feel like crap, John is all, “You look like crap..” Thanks man! So at this point I’m pointing off going to the hospital, I can’t put the reason, due to stalker issues. But let’s just say, I didn’t want to go, I wanted to stick it out. But it wasn’t as bad, but it still was there.. I didn’t want to have another attack and have to wait around a hour for John to show up to watch the kids. So I called the insurance 24/7 hotline, asked her if I should go or wait til Monday. She asked a bunch of questions, after like 15 minutes, she was like, you need to call 911 now and let them take you, don’t drive yourself, don’t let someone drive you. SHOULD OF DID THAT! Because you don’t have to wait in the waiting room if you get a ride via ambulance, lol. But no, John takes me. It’s a like hour drive. We get there, he drops me off.

The kids broke my heart, they were all worried and all, “mommy I want to give you a hug!!??!?!” due to someone being a cranky mood, I wasn’t able to give all of them hugs, but whatever, we’re not talking about them aholes in here. So I sit in the waiting room about 3 hours I want to say, I was able to watch 1 1/2 college football games, lol. Everyone in there had some crazy ass stomach bug throwing up. I manage NOT to get it, HELLS YES. Or they were drunk, there was a lot of old people too. FINALLY I get called back. I’ll skip some of the details, you don’t want to know about that junk, hell I don’t even want to. But they did almost give me a heart attack, she was like, “we need you to pee in this cup, to make sure you’re not pregnant…” WHAT!?!?! I was like, nah I got fixed, lmao.. my exact words, lol. She was all, “there’s still a chance..” NOOOOOOO.. But yeah, that came back negative, wouldn’t that be some crazy shit. Anywho..

The student nurse dude came over to me, asked me all these questions.. the last question was, “are you sad? depressed? feel like hurting yourself?” You know.. I wasn’t going to say anything. This is hard for me, I know I have a problem, but I’m scared to tell other people. I got some serious trust issues with people, because of random aholes in my past breaking all the trust I have in humans in general. But I was like, YES! That took a lot to be vulnerable like that.  I’ve had problems with it over the years, but it’s been worst within the last 3 years. Honestly, my kids have kept me alive. I love them to pieces, I don’t know what I would do without them. I have to be the best mom I can be, I can’t do that, if I’m not healthy, so that’s why I said yes. So I have to call this place in town about it tomorrow and make the appointment. That’s the first step right? I can honestly say, it feels good. At least I say this now. Oh yea, and I was prescribed Clonazepam. I’ve heard mix reviews on it. I know I can’t drink with it, I also can’t breastfeed. Which really sucks, so I try not to take it unless I really have to. Jacob still breastfeeds at night. Hell he still does off and on throughout the day. He will climb my lap and be all, BOOB! Haha..