Honestly, I haven’t been on my blog much, except when I had to do something blog related for a network or something. Otherwise, it’s been on the back burner a bit. I haven’t designed a website or anything major graphic or web design wise. I’ve done a few things on Etsy from time to time. But it’s been rather dead lately. Not that, I’ve been busy, well I have, but life has changed a bit. Not once did I think I would have the title, moms without custody…

I know a few of you know, I’ve recently gone through a divorce in December and was going through this nasty child custody battle with my ex-husband. A lot of things came out that I didn’t know about at the time. Lots and lots of lies. Long story short, I got screwed over by a bunch of men for the simple fact I was a stay at home mom for most of my marriage, apparently that makes you LAZY. Yea, that’s what I was called by his lawyer. But when it comes down to it, I didn’t get custody of my kids, rather we have shared custody. They also live with their dad still. I get them for a total of 92 days of the year.

I went from being a stay at home mom, who always has her kids by her side. To only seeing them one weekend out of each month, federal holidays and summer break. When I had kids, I can tell you for sure this isn’t how I thought my life would turn out. It would be one thing, if we actually got along, but maybe one day. While the kids are nly here for another week, before they have to go back to their dad’s (which is roughly 4.5 hrs away from me in another state). Hailey and I are here in North Carolina.. Hailey started 7th grade last month. The school she goes to is year round, therefore she is on a 45-15 school day plan. It’s nice, I’ve actually gotten used to it. She is also in AIG, which basically makes she is super smart.

I am going to take this time and go college, find some new hobbies, find myself again, get myself into a career I love, changing more lives.  I want to save money to get a place to live for Hailey and I. Since the ruling wasn’t final, I can go back to court and fight for them again. So this isn’t over until the kids and I are under one roof and that my friend is a promise I made to my kids. One way or another this is gonna work out. Even if I have to move back to that small town I didn’t really love, lol. In the meantime, 4 hour road trips once a month to see them and holidays is where it’s at.

But hey, karma works itself out, I didn’t lie. I didn’t have to make up stories. I was honest, can’t beat being honest. But yeah.. I kinda went on rant, lol. My life is a mess right now.. but while in this mess of a life I am living. I’ve been spending as much time as possible with all four of my kids. While they do drive me crazy, I wish they could stay. I wish we could all be in one house again, I wish I made better choices last year, I wish a lot of things. But without all these heartache choices, I wouldn’t be the person I am today and all in all, that makes me the strong person I am today.

While I still have a lot of up and down days, who doesn’t.. I know that God has a plan for me and all of this, I trust him. While, I don’t understand what his plan is, I know it will be all worth it one day. Piece by piece it will all come together into something amazing. While I could rant on the topic of my ex-husband all day about how he did me wrong, I am gonna be better than that.

Honestly, there’s no greater heartache than your children being taken from you and you being marked as an “unfit parent” with the bullshit-est reasons ever. I was the only one “thinking of the kids.. what’s best for the kids..” and it came and bite me in the butt. While I can’t change his choice, I can better my options. Take all the negativity and turn it into the motivation I need to better myself in the long run. A few years from now, who will be standing on top finally after all the heartache and tears… this girl..